Don't think twice about it

Getting out of your comfort zone

I wrote this last Friday and finally posting on my actual birthday. Definitely some updates but I’ll save for the next post.

Well… here we are again in this cycle of life. The weekend before my 52nd birthday and I sit here on a non-typical Minnesota morning of humidity and sun reflecting on this specific week but thinking of the past year of relationships, emotions, mindsets, and overall the fun and love that have infused my life.

The week started with a “spontaneous” trip. By week I mean - Friday to Friday. Why not mix up what we are used to saying. Fridays are the beginning and an end of whatever happened in the week and you end with two good reflection points! We’ve actually planned this trip but a major storm was coming our way so we were on the fence to see our friends perform at Pepin Pride which is about and hour and forty five minute trip south in beautiful southern Wisconsin on the banks of the St Croix/Mississippi river valley - I love spelling Mississippi out don’t you? Recalls some great memories going up in St Louis learning english - “I PP In your Eye.”

Our friends, who’ve been together since high school - Minneapolis southsiders through and through - were with us and we were sitting around the kitchen island trying to figure out alternate plans if we stayed in the city. As we did this, we watched this summer storm roll in with high winds and major rain. We luckily did not get the hail damage that was prevalent just blocks away from our house. Seeing all of this we decided to cancel the trek to Pepin and go watch a movie at the Walker Art Center. The storm was short lived, literally twenty minutes, and as we were walking out the door we decided spontaneously to head to Pepin and still catch the show that was to start at 8PM. There we were an hour in and heading down the river road following the storm. We saw the most amazing clouds mixed in with sunset light and the beauty of the fog starting to settle in along the river. What a beautiful sight to see.

We got to Pepin Wine Bar a little after showtime, and folks were just gathering in this already crowded space. I was happy to see the mix of people here to celebrate pride in this southern Wisconsin river town - elder gays, the townies, and us visitors from the cities. I am probably an elder gay at this point but not in this story. Haha. I realized that this was the first small bar experience that I’ve been to since pandemic and cancer - surrounded by friends and chosen family who also trekked south. Felt all the feels to feel the camaraderie and music love from BarbieQ, Miss Ginger, and Joey, who were giving and giving all night. I had a permanent smile on my face that misty night.

I know that this night wouldn’t have happened if I was settled in my head not to go which is a typical trait of mine. Plan something. Pivot. Stay in. My priorities in life are changing and am starting to be more spontaneous and be more intentional of where I want to spend my time and who I want in my life. Friends have been important to me in this journey and without them I don’t know where I’d be. We may not see each other on the daily but their presence and empathy and care are what I need to push me out of my comfort zones of the past. We could have watched a movie that night but why? Especially when I could spend a couple of hours in a quiet river town with the fog rolling in listening to magical voices and the gentle touch of the ivories in the company of old friends, new friends, and my chosen family on the eve of Pepin Pride. As we made it back to the cities that night through the fog of the two lane road and the moon in the distance, I thought, “what more could I ask for?”

This was also chemo week #20 but started with my second bronchoscopy. My first one was in May to go more in depth with my continuing lung struggles. This second one was a follow up to a CT scan weeks before that needed to rule out the scary stuff from my last post - lymphangitic carinomatosis. Overall general lung stuff was clear but still waiting on results from that scary one. We can pause life and dwell on the scariest, but is it worth it? I’ve got a whole week to get through.

Round #20 had pretty boring labs which I’ll take. Everything has balanced out. White blood counts are up but I was just had the bronchoscopy procedure which, I assume, has my body fighting to balance everything back. Nothing major to report. Always good news. Also the light in the infusion chair was chef’s kiss….

Friday was an unexpected day all around. I ran into a friend who I connected with early in my cancer journey. She helped me work on myself and find the things I needed to find. I haven’t seen her for over a year but when I saw her our eyes connected. She said “You look familiar.” I said “You too but can’t place you.” After another once over, she said “Reggie it is me, M (keeping her name private). We worked with each other last year. YOU have this aura that I can’t forget. It is stronger than ever right now and feels like you’ve gotten through some things with a drive." OMG. I started bawling in this store, not caring who was around me. I needed to hear that. I forget what my body, what I’ve mentally gone through. We re-connected, she ordered my face rejuvenating serum that I use for my 10” scar - by the way, it works and smells good, and we gave each other a big big deep hug. Gah. These are the moments where you take in and won’t forget.

By the way, still waiting for those bronchoscopy results. We will see what next week brings. There is always something we are waiting for and sometimes, you gotta live and not let anything affect the happiness that happens in our lives.

I’ll leave you with this… from Charlotte Freeman called PURPOSE -

At the end of the day, I truly believe that life is all about spending our years with the people you love, doing the things you love, fulfilling your deepest passions, while falling more and more in love with yourself each and every day as you grow. When you do all things with love, you live your life with so much purpose and meaning, and that’s what makes a life worth living, that’s what makes it memorable, that’s what makes it special.