“I love today. It’s all I got”
The last month has been a mix of moment of amazingness and pause. Pause in the sense that reflection on the past has made me appreciate my today and what might bring for tomorrow. We've gained an hour today and a friend challenged last night, what will you do with your hour? Made me think of all those times that I let that annual extra hour just be part of my day and ultimately lost the sense of that “extra” time. It’s easy these days that the extra hour just gets absorb.
In years past, I would change all the clocks and timepieces in the morning of daylight savings time the fall edition, a ritual that we just did. Now our everyday technology just does it for you, not realizing that we gained that hour unless of course you are in tune with the natural light of the day. In my past career, I was always traveling this time of year to spot the next trends for the next seasons. I’d travel to the ends of the earth it seemed which I thoroughly enjoyed. Time wasn’t time back then. Time was a moment of what the day would bring. One hour we’d be in a well appointed always cozy hotel lobby figuring out where we were going to go - usually getting dropped off in a neighborhood and walking endlessly - to the next hour downloading what happened that day. That in between was the best part - loose agenda, good people that led to amazing stories, getting lost in the day and letting the day unfold. These are the moment I live for.
I am this time now - the in between. I have had a the longest stretch of healthy in my last two years. Clean scans (still have mets to my lungs!), clean blood work, low chemo side effects - pretty much maintaining. Time is what all of us cherish, not just those with chronic illness, and with that time, I’ll take it. I’ve learned to let this in between time unfold on its own, to engage with life and what it brings to you, not controlling it but let it be. Always hard for me not to control, but I’ve realized I am more relaxed and comfortable when I let life happen - to be honest there is a loose agenda but usually no expectations.
“I always try to love within, that way I’ll find it in my mind to love today”
I’ve connected with so many people in this in between and so happy to understand why we connected those days - from a highly creative visionary who’ve I’ve known for years and admired how she balanced everything - business, family, self - and then her sharing the joys and challenges (more joy!) of caregiving for her parents to the couple who’ve had major transitions in their life and the smile on their faces when they are together - both exuded emotions of why living in the moment is an awareness that needs to be held on to. To be cherished. To know why those connections are important. Chat up that person next to you or ask a question you’ve never asked somebody you know. The answers might have some meaning that connect to your soul.
Our families came up this month at different weeks. Both very different visits but the connection to each of them means so much to us especially having them in our place of refuge from the craziness of life. There is both calmness and chaos that come with these visits but you have to have both or it isn’t family. Am I right? Jeffry and I did things that we wouldn’t have normally done and got us out of our comfort zones. We took them to places we loved but made sure that we did things that were new to us too. We ate through the city with Jeffry’s sister and we trash to treasured with my family. I know two things that we normally do but went to places we normally didn’t go to and experiences things from different points of view. Grateful for the time we had with them at that moment and hope that our families in 2024 can finally meet each other officially in one place. That’s a milestone we are looking forward to.
An important person in my life hung out with me at Infusion #24. I’ve only had 3 loves and he is #2. We got to spend 4 hours together and I was so happy. We hadn’t spent that much time since we went our separate ways a decade ago. We caught up on our lives and reminisced about some funny moments in our thirteen years together. He will always make me laugh and the comfort in his stories will always be part of my soul. Thank you AJM for spending that time with me. You don’t know how much I needed that after all these years. XO
Almost forgot to share my Halloween costume this year. I couldn’t resist. Reggie the Rooster. Again thanks to AJM and Seven Sundays for the inspiration!
“I love today when it rains on my head. I love today to be grateful instead”
We’ve had some interactions that made us get into our soul but also realizing how lucky I am and we are in this moment. Sad to say that being othered has been a part of my whole life. Whether it was being the brown kid (you look like this crayon), being Filipino (you aren’t Filipino enough - but I speak and understand Tagalog better than you), being Asian (what are you? Why is a chinaman working at a pizza place..), being a designer (why you aren’t a doctor?), being queer (I’ll pray for you. Let’s leave it at that), or looking younger than my age (what do you know, I’ve been in the industry longer than you). I’ve developed a tough skin as they say but even at the age I am now, I still get othered. Usually doesn’t bother me but a moment happened and was sad to experience these emotions again. More sad for the person that said this. I had to step back and consider what they were going through but realized that man, that’s on them. Makes you think that everybody has stereotypes and conditions that they are inherent to them, but they need to have the self awareness to change and maybe their change is gradual but they own it and have to realize it to make a difference. I am grateful that I have the tough skin to get through moments like this, grateful that I have the self awareness of this maybe wasn’t me but something that I had no control of, and grateful to take this as another lesson of life.
“The time is here to say for sure to love today”
I have to say this past year, has made me realize what’s important to me and what I want to spend time on or with. Every day brings its challenges but today I woke up feeling refreshed and energized for what’s to come today. Because time isn’t guaranteed.
Speaking of time. November is in full swing! Today is 50 days to Christmas. Holy cow. With my healthy in between time, we have infusion #25 and #26 coming up - can you believe that? We’ve also got invited to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston and to Mayo Oncology in Rochester. Both trips will hopefully understand what types of clinical trials are available to me. Unfortunately, Colorectal Cancer clinical trials are few and far between so these interviews are super important (donate here to Colorectal Cancer Alliance if you can!). I’ll go through a series of tests, interviews, blood work, and scans. A lot to be anxious about but Jeffry and I are looking forward to the conversations and hopefully add a plus up to my current standard of care cocktail!
You’ve probably noticed the headers above are quotes from something? I had the opportunity to hear a song written by Kim Kalesti and sung by the amazing Aura McDonald last night at the Minnesota Orchestra (by the way, our team at KNOCK did the MNO branding!). Our dear friend purchased single tickets for four of us and we all witnessed this song from many vantage points. Audra shared how she found this song and when she sang it, the words truly resonated with me at that moment. I couldn’t get out of my head all night!
So I leave you with the amazing words from I Love Today by Kim Kalesti. Here is the original TikTok video that started it all, along with Kim’s daughter, Emily King.
I love today its all I got I’ll try to smile and laugh a lot
The time is here to say for sure to love today
I love today through thick and thin
I’ll alway try to love within that way I’ll find it in my mind
To love today
I love today when it rains on my head
I love today to be grateful instead
Take to the wind and I’ll fly far ahead
Far far away where a day never ends
I love today its all I got I’ll try to smile and laugh a lot
The time is here to say for sure to love today
I love today through thick and thin
I’ll alway try to love within that way I’ll find it in my mind
To love today
I love today it’s all I got I’ll try to smile and laugh a lot
The time is here to say for sure to love today
So beautifully written Reggie. I have to say as long as I have known you I have always felt your love and positivity in this world so keep loving and keep living! Lisa
all I can say after reading this, your beautiful, honest words.. is I love you Reggie. I loved last night in our single seats. together. from Gladys to Audra to sitting in a booth at mannys.. each moment simple, real, important, and lasting. I love you and Jeffry.
I love today. ♥️
Adrienne